When God is Silent – 3 things it doesn’t mean

Have you ever noticed how noisy grief can be? Think about it. It’s really loud! In fact, it can be so deafening it makes it hard to hear anything else. Grief can overtake your mostly stable nature creating chaos and confusion like you’ve never known before.

One of the greatest challenges I experienced after the sudden loss of my husband, was my ability to hear from God. Or, should I say my “inability” to hear from God? It seemed like no matter how hard I tried, or how many times I cried out, God just felt so very distant. Nowhere to be found. Silent to my pleas and questions and far, far away. Sound familiar?

I often wondered “what am I doing wrong? Where the heck are you God when I need you most?” These struggles only compounded my pain and further complicated the brokenness of my heart. It was like grief piled on top of grief. It was more weight than I could bear most days. 

Over the past 15 months, I’ve been contemplating this dilemma and exploring what it means when God is silent. Come to find out, I’ve uncovered a more important matter, what His silence doesn’t mean. Here are 3 things I learned: 

God’s silence doesn’t mean He’s absent

When you’re walking through the dark valley of grief, it’s hard to see anything – much less evidence of God’s presence. The anguish takes over your mind like a controlling dictator, censoring all of your thoughts. Its restraining character determines what you should think – and how you should feel. Your sorrow becomes more prominent than anything else and the lens through which you interpret your life, and what’s happening to you.

Sensing God’s nearness becomes more difficult during times of suffering as you’re trying to connect with an unseen God. So when you’re in the valley, you must rely more on God’s promises of His presence rather than your perceptions of it.

The Bible describes the Christian life as one lived by faith, not by sight. We believe not because we can see or even sense, but because of who God is. God’s presence should not be determined by your wavering emotions and erratic feelings. Instead, it must be understood by the truth that’s dependent on God’s character, and what He’s revealed to us about Himself in His Word. Here’s a few passages to remember:

And surely, I will be with you always, to the very end of the age – Matthew 28:20

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God – Isaiah 41:10

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me – Psalm 23:4

Dear friend, in this season of deep sorrow, remember to cling tightly to God’s promises. He IS with you. He is not missing in action. He’s right there abiding with you every step. He always has been, and He always will be. He won’t leave you for a single moment, no, not ever.

God’s silence doesn’t mean He’s aloof

When God seems silent, it’s tempting to think He isn’t interested in your life and what’s happening to you. Afterall, how could He be? He knew what was about to happen and didn’t do anything to stop it, right? And if that wasn’t bad enough, now you’re drowning in a raging sea of sorrow with no hope for rescue or signs of His help on the horizon.

You begin to question God’s goodness, faithfulness, and even His love for you. How could a good God let you walk through this? How could He let this happen to your family? Doubts begin to fill your mind, and your faith is shaken in a way you didn’t expect.

The reasons for evil and suffering is an entirely different subject, and too involved to fully address here. But I will simply say that this world is not the way it was supposed to be. One day, all enemies like sin and death, will be done away with and all things will be made new. That’s the hope we have in Jesus.

But when you walk through the trials of this life in the here and now, it’s easy to become disheartened and question your faith. Your theology starts to bend to what you’re experiencing rather than the unchanging nature of God. And when your trials begin to determine your beliefs, your foundation is on shaky ground! It’s unstable and you will struggle to find your footing again.

So when God seems silent, it can’t be because He’s not interested in your life, or even worse, doesn’t care. He created you! He directs your steps and has plans for your life. Carefully read Psalm 139 to see just how intimately involved God is in every aspect of your existence.

I know that can be a hard pill to swallow, especially after a major loss. The death of my husband has devastated me and my girls and I don’t see any good reason for his early departure from this world. Why would I become a widow now and have to live the rest of my life without my husband? None of it makes a bit of sense to my finite mind .

That’s why I must remember that I only see a tiny snapshot at the moment. I won’t understand or get all of my questions answered here. But, will I trust that God is working out His good purposes for me, even in spite of this terrible loss?  This is the question I wrestled with, and if you’re in a season of suffering, one you should wrestle with too.

God’s silence doesn’t mean He’s angry

Have you ever been the recipient of the silent treatment? Or, have you ever been the perpetrator of giving someone the silent treatment? I know I’ve certainly been guilty of not speaking to a person when they’ve ticked me off.  And, I’ve been on the receiving end of the silent treatment too. It’s pretty demeaning and downright manipulative when you think about it.

So when God seems silent, it’s easy to assume He’s mad at you. Like you’ve done something wrong and now He’s punishing you for it. And when you’re suffering and trying to make sense of it all, this seems like a logical conclusion to reach.

But God is not like us! He doesn’t treat us the way we treat each other. All of His actions are pure and always consistent with His character. Even His acts of justice and wrath are righteous and never out of step with His attributes of goodness and love.

In fact, when you’re brokenhearted, God is attending to you with comfort and compassion, not condemnation. He is kind to you always, but when you’re suffering, He provides for your needs in ways you aren’t even aware of right now.

He is especially attentive to the downcast and the vulnerable. He takes it to heart when you’re in a defenseless position and gives aid and assistance in your time of need. Here are a few verses to meditate on:

The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness – Exodus 33:6

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities – Psalm 103:10

You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed – Psalm 10:17

For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help – Psalm 22:24

Wrapping It Up

When you’re walking through the valley of grief, it’s hard to hear from God. I know this personally because it was a good 12 months where I felt abandoned by God after the death of my husband.

But I’m beginning to have more clarity now and realized something very important. God hadn’t changed during that time. I had. I was so overwhelmed with my sorrow it was all encompassing. And, you know what? That’s not wrong. There is a time for everything, and when someone you love dearly dies, that’s the time to mourn.

When God was silent, it’s because I was incapable of hearing Him over my intense grief. But He was right there all along. He cared more about my pain than anyone else ever could. And no, He wasn’t angry with me either. Instead, the Lord was quietly attending to my brokenness, even when I couldn’t see it. My Savior was gently carrying me through every desperate moment I didn’t think I would survive.

Is God silent in your life right now? Take heart! He is with you even when it doesn’t feel that way. He is never far from you and is always true to His promises. And one day, dear friend, you will hear His tender voice again.